"I should start eating better, I should lose some weight, I should exercise more. You should have more money, you should be a better parent, you should be better spouse. You should know better than that!"
Correct me if I am wrong, but the list of shoulds could go on, and on, and on! Should is a very demanding word. It often brings an unwelcome sense of obligation, guilt, and resistance.
Should have is another version of SHOULD. "I should have done this, you should have done that. He should have been more considerate!"
Should have keeps you stuck in the past, in a mindset of hopelessness. It prevents you from realizing that you actually do have the power to move forward. Should have indicates regret and failure. It keeps you from your greatest potential.
Shouldn't is another variation of how SHOULD is used. " "Oh you shouldn't say that. You shouldn't think that. Wow...she shouldn't act like that! "
The use of should in any form brings on an image that we are being scolded. It can also mean we are reprimanding someone else. Should is a very self-righteous word. It leads you to believe that there is only ONE way of doing things - "it is my way or the highway" type of mentality. Could on the other hand presents itself in the form of an option... an option to choose one of MANY ways. The freedom of choice.... Would, also used in a constructive manner, can be a great reminder of the possibilities and choices we have. For example, it would be better, or it would be a good idea.
Now that we realize the negative impact the use of this word has on ourselves and others, I could tell you that you should stop using it, or I could tell you it would be better to eliminate the term altogether, and choose better ways to communicate with yourself and others.
STOP SHOULDING ON YOURSELF, stop SHOULDING on others, and see how the negative energy transforms when you replace it with better wording.
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Mirror Mirror On The Wall~Affirmations for Conversations with Self~
You COULD choose to empower yourself with a mere shift in word selection!
Speaking to Self...
You might say to yourself: I should save some money; I shouldn't spend so much; I should be eating better; I should lose some weight; I should exercise more: I should be a better parent, spouse, child; I should put more effort into things, I should know better, or you could say...
1- I could save some money, with a small amount each week.
2- It would be a good idea to save some money.
3- It would be nice to have something stashed for a rainy day.
4- I could start eating more veggies.
5- It would be nice to look my best.
6- It would be a good idea to workout regularly.
7- I could be a better.
8- Maybe it would be nice to improve.
9- Maybe I could make an effort to be my very best.
Speaking to Others...
You could say to others: You should save some money; you shouldn't spend so much; you should be eating better; you should be exercising; you should be a better parent, spouse, child: you should be in better shape, or you could say...
1- You could deposit a small amount to savings each month2- Would you consider saving a little cash each month?
3- You could spend some, and you could save some too.
4- It would be good if you also saved some money.
5- Maybe you could add some veggies to your diet.
6- Maybe you could find a friend to exercise with.
7- Maybe it could be your goal to fit into your favorite black dress again.
8- It would be good if we brought out the best in each other.
We all have the freedom to speak as we choose. It is all in how YOU choose to say it!
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Bonjour Chris,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great example of the power and energy of words we use everyday. A simple shift in the way we think and speak can have a huge impact on our results. Thanks Chris for your wisdom! Keep on the great work you are doing. Talk to you soon.